


why didn't you trust me? (i did.)

by cloudburst



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: M/M, some freeform angst ?? idk if this is angst lol i've lost my touch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudburst/pseuds/cloudburst
Summary: It's a long time to the point he's coherent—to the moment he stops gasping into Reyes' neck, afraid that the safety he feels is an illusion.---The Pathfinder feels deeply.





	

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is, but i wrote something. even if it is like, a drabble

It crawls from his throat—thousand claws digging in, burning more harshly than the waters of Kadara ever could. In these moments, he is not human. He is beyond corporeal being; he is fear itself, and can't help the harsh, jagged noise it pulls out of him. And he can barely breathe—barely feel around the dark, zero gravity center of his chest. It's terrifying. There are Kett, and then there's _him_ , smiling as the searing pain rips through Ryder's leg—then his other leg, and his stomach, then chest. _He_ laughs at the confused look on Ryder's face. 

Ryder's own voice echoes in the cave. _"Why didn't you trust me?"_

And all he receives in response is a harsh laugh. Muffled sobs pull him from the dream. They are his own. 

It's a long time to the point he's coherent—to the moment he stops gasping into Reyes' neck, afraid that the safety he feels is an illusion. He whispers the same question against skin, the question from the cave—from his nightmares, drying tears now pressed to the body heat rising from Reyes' shoulder. 

He's not sure if he imagines the sharp intake of breath at his words. He doesn't want to know. 

He doesn't want to uncover his face, for fear of Reyes' disillusionment. He doesn't want Reyes to see the pain reflected there—the fear. Because he will know. And he will apologize, and Ryder will be forced to re-dredge up previous terror to remind himself why he'd forgiven Vidal in the first place—because nothing had changed. 

He feels better now—knows he's on Kadara, with Reyes next to him. Vetra had secured a time for him to get away from their continued explorations, just a day. It is more than enough time for the Pathfinder, should be anyways, but it's never quite enough for Ryder; and he admits this to himself as Reyes holds him. Ryder and the human Pathfinder are one and the same, but at times he finds himself slipping from the identity of one, and fully into the other—finds it hard for both personas to be cohabitant. He's sure that one day that fact will come back to bite him in the ass. 

But right now, he's just Ryder. He's not a leader with passion filled eyes and a hard, yet hopeful expression spread across his face. He's not searching for a new home—not carrying the weight of his people on his shoulders. He is just Ryder; but he's not searching for a new home because he _is_ home. At least, it feels that way as Reyes hums some lullaby that was probably lost to the stars of Earth as soon as he left the Milky Way. It feels that way—light murmurs of another language in his hair, rough hands running along his arms, a quiet calm. The flowers grow in Ryder's ribs, forcing bloom to his lungs. A garden grows in his chest as Reyes' whispers are lost to the silence. Ryder thinks he's choking on his own feeling, as the blossoms come forth with Reyes' lie that everything will always be okay, as long as they are together. 

_What a lovely way to die,_ Ryder thinks. 

Except he's never been one to give up—never been one to falter in the face of adversity. So he wraps his arms around Reyes, and allows himself to breathe. 

These night horrors too, he realizes, just as those of the past, shall meet their end.

**Author's Note:**

> my ryder was cute and his name was akio. /: 
> 
> let me know what u thiiiiink. i'll gift you with me undying gratitude.


End file.
